Me Mobile Phone

Look, it's not funny. Whoever has me mobile phone, please hand it over. I'll give you a small reward. How about a tenner? That's a wee bit of money. Will buy yer four pints. If yer go to a pub where I go, five pints mate. That's how much you can drink with that dosh. So come on, I'm waiting, it's already been four days since the phone's gone.

It's got me girlfriend's number, her photo, photos of so many places, people. Ever thought what happens if yer house gets lost? That's what's happened to me. Me mobile phone is everything. I had contact details of so many people. All them numbers will be lost now.

The phone's so handy. I calculate. Last time, I calculate me budget for the month, when I spend a thick wad of cash on condoms. Oh mate, I was doing left, right and center, million times. Me so fed up putting on that rubber, one time, me done it without one. But she was a good bird, not them ones, slappers, you know what I mean.

Then, there is a calendar there. Every morning, me get up with a headache, a hangover, and have to check what date is it. Me mobile is perfect for that. Two buttons pressed, and there, the date flashes on the screen.

Oh, me music. 100 songs in there. If yer like the songs I like, yer must be enjoying the phone like crazy. Are yer? Yer bastard.

Betty Curse and Evanescences and all them lot, crazy girls, ain't it? Punk rock chicks. I like them birds. I love the black nail polish in them hands. Phew...I can bang them all right. All night mate. Listening to them gives me that sort of satisfaction. I bet yer having the same dream, eh?

So listen, how about yer give me a call and we meet. Me hand yer money and take back me mobile phone. I'll kiss yer arse also, if you want to. That phone is me everything. Don't make me cry.